Have you ever found yourself bringing work problems home with you, or home problems to work with you? Well if you have, you know by now that it doesn’t work.
Here are a few ideas I have found to help rectify this common problem.
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Half way point.
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Discussing office problems at home.
If your spouse has requested that you “STOP TALKING ABOUT THE OFFICE!!!” at home, here are a few ideas.
The problem is, our spouse gets tired of hearing us talk about the office; AND, sometimes it is necessary that we discuss the office at home. This can really be challenging if our spouse works at the office with us. Sometimes we just need to discuss something and get it out of the way, or it will ruin our evening. Luckily you can both win here.
One of the big wins is to come to an agreement about a time to discuss the office that will work for both of you, or usually just prefacing the conversation with, “honey, I need to go over a few things about the office with you, would this be a good time or would you like to discuss it later?” This seems to really help our spouse from being blindsided. It gives them a moment to prepare and shift gears.
If this is not a good time, it is important that your spouse gives you a time that will work. This can set you free. You know you will get to the important business and you can relax knowing that it will be taken care of.
Of course this agreement of how you will deal with such issues MUST be fully disclosed, discussed and agreed upon with your spouse prior to implementing it into action.
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Have you ever just had to blow off steam and get something off your chest?
This is a way to discharge the stress of the day in a non-threatening way. It is a good way to blow off steam and keep a safe environment for the family. Most people don’t mind listening to someone blow off steam as long as it is not directed at them; they are not responsible to do anything about it and they know it will only be for a short time. This means the “problem” will not continue all night long into the next day, week, month and year etc.
Years ago I was introduced to a technique called the “Volcano.” The point of this process is to allow you to vent steam without ruining everyone else’s day.
You and your significant other, or whomever, come to this agreement:
When partner 1 needs to blow off steam they will ask partner 2 if they can do a “volcano”. Partner 2 reply’s either “no, not now but how about in X minutes?” Or they reply “yes, for how long.” It is imperative that you both agree how long the “volcano” will last and that you stick to it. This sets safe ground for the next time. No one wants to experience the brunt of ranting and raving for an extended period of time.
Try starting off with one minute. You will be amazed at how effective one minute can be when you are really letting it rip, and it is being received.
Assume you both agree on a minute. Partner 1 now has one full minute to just let it rip. Get it off their chest. Rant, rave, scream and yell, what ever it takes.
The only rules are no directing the anger etc. at the other person. We want to rant about other people or events, and if it has to do with partner number 2 we want to rant about the situation, not about the person.
The rule for the listener is to ACTIVELY LISTEN, and to be completely present. Not to say a word, or make a sound; and definitely not give advice or try to fix. (This can be tough for a lot of men and some women.) At the end of the prescribed time partner 1 thanks partner 2 for listening and they hug.
Try it, you’ll be amazed.
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What happens when you are at home and you just have one little thing you need to tell your spouse about the office. It is no big deal and you don’t want to forget?
If bringing work home with you has been a charged issue, simply get up and write it down or preface the statement with, “honey I have one thing I need to mention about the office, would this be a good time or should we schedule a time for later?” Each couple is different, but if this has been a charged issue, you should error on the side of “write it down now and deal with it later.”
Pick a half way point between work and home. On the way to work make it a policy that the first half of the drive is all for thinking about, appreciating, and storing unresolved issues from your home and personal life.
Keep a micro cassette in your vehicle and make notes to yourself about any unresolved business or feelings etc. The important thing is to put them to bed, so to speak, until you have an opportunity to deal with them at an appropriate time. Right before work and at work are not appropriate times to deal with such issues.
The second half of the drive to work is to prepare yourself for and get excited about your workday. Put on your game face; think about your day and how to make it a great one. Think about any issues with staff or patients that you want to deal with before you start adjusting. As a side note, make sure you give yourself plenty of time to deal with your staff and prepare yourself for the day. It is unprofessional to show up a minute before you are supposed to start with your patients. The staff doesn’t appreciate you dumping your load on them without time for discussion, and the patients see you as someone who is in a rush.
I had a special prayer I said every day on the way to my office. It went something like, “Dear God, thank you for sending me people I can help, and for sending those that aren’t a perfect match to someone else.” The point is to do what ever you need, to prepare and be ready for your day at the office.
On the way home do just the opposite. The first half of the drive is a great time to be thankful for the great day and focus on all of the wins. Acknowledge the few difficult people and problems, (not that you would spend more time thinking about the one problem patient compared to the droves of people you helped that day!) Learn from the problems and difficult cases and make sure you take appropriate action steps. The key is to have resolution from your day.
At the half way point your “policy” is that you are no longer allowed to think about the office. This is the time to start preparing yourself for your family and your home life. Think of your smiling children and wonderful spouse, or the hot date you have coming up, etc. The point is your family deserves to have 100% of you there. This is one way to prepare yourself to greet your family.
Certainly there are other great ways to deal with these issues. If you have one that has worked for you please write me and let me know.
With warm aloha’s,
Russ Rosen, D.C. – Dec 18, 2002
